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Posts Tagged ‘Rick Wagoner’

time_andy_wong_apThis news was unexpected.

Harley-Davidson today announced a major change in the company’s leadership. James Ziemer who previously announced his retirement called a hasty press conference and stated that ex-CEO of General Motors, Rick Wagoner was tapped to run the company and would start later today.

Wagoner, an economics major by training, is best known for his finesse at communicating technology’s benefits and hip-ness — without ever in his career resorting to blue jeans and a black t-shirt.

“It’s just time, to bring my Hybrid Corvette skills and work to Harley” said Wagoner, speaking with Scooter News via satellite phone from the H-D executive jet late last night.  He was en-route from meetings at Harley-Davidson’s double top-secret Bahamas field sales office. He went on to say, “It’s a multi-thousand mile commute on the H-D shuttle, and generally it leaves me only a few minutes for meetings-before a cocktail and the return journey.”

Also disclosed was a 72-member group of senior Harley leaders, chartered back in 2001, and met weekly on corporate environmental responsibility has finally determined their newest Marketing facility will be on Uranus.   Executives evangilized how they would now leverage that planet’s natural atmosphere of hydrogen, helium, and methane. Releasing the build-up of H-D Marketing gases from the new facility–which would be environmentally challenging on Earth–is in fact enriching Uranus’ delicate ecosystem. Ziemer said he and Wagoner recently visited the U2 facility, and said:

“it was a sheer delight to observe that planet’s pale blue liquid methane sunset, richer and more subtly hued, thanks to marketings output.”

In other news, Chief Talent Officer, Willie G. described a new range of products designed specifically for the needs of the aging Boomer population, all to be sold under the ReVive” Dark Custom brand.  Spurred on by the wild success of their new splash resistant underpant clothing product line, Harley will launch a range of goods and services aimed at the estimated one billion global retirees approaching the age of 80.  Details of Harley’s plans were sketchy and much of the “ReVive” Dark Custom program is shrouded in secrecy. The high-security “ReVive” facility stands behind 20 foot walls and a metal gate near the Rio Grande river in El Paso, TX. Observers have noted that Harley recently applied for patents on the brand “Irontanium 883”, and products are apparently being tested on retired employees living at the Individual Center for Retired Aging People (iCRAP). Harley feels the “Irontanium 883” will restore youthful looks and improve body functionality for those too old to chew their own food!

Lastly, Susan Henderson, VP of Communications updated the corporate blog with:

“I’m angry, disenchanted, exasperated and…buoyant”…  She went on to say:  “I know it’s been a few years since I’ve updated the blog, but I’m still sifting through the millions of responses I received the last time I posted. And I’m still “cheddared off” by the whole discussion. By the way, cheddar cheese was invented by the British in the village of Cheddar in the 1100’s. Just another one of the many reasons the Brits are the greatest motorcycle designers and should still be ruling the world. But I digress.  I think there are many good reasons we didn’t make it into the Fortune “Three Best Companies to Work For” list for 2009, after being there the last 10 years running.  I know, I know there are only five motorcycle companies remaining in the world, but the competition has become increasingly tough and there are some questionable tactics being employed by our competitors.”

While the origin of April Fools’ celebrations is disputed; it is believed that the April fools were people who continued to celebrate the new year on April 1, the ancient start to the new year and the beginning of spring.  

Happy April Fool’s Day!

Photo courtesy of Time/Andy Wong (AP).

All Rights Reserved (c) Northwest Harley Blog
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