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Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

motorcycle fashion historyNo one can deny the huge impact that the American motorcycle and biker sub-culture has had on the fashion industry.

Motorcyclists spend a great deal of money and effort to find protective gear that looks fashionably good, but there is a small minority who tarnish the sport.  You know the type…  stick-on bunny ears on the helmet or the camouflage trousers and the faux Mohawk that should’ve stayed with the 90’s punk bands.

I’ve been on a clothing hiatus for a while, but back in 2009, I blogged at length about motorcycle fashions with… Limited Edition Clothing; Motorcycle Style; Dressed For Summer and the FXRG Jacket Road Test.  For all the hype fashion gets, it’s truly irrelevant and a way for the untalented to stand out.  Because if you’re talented, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, right?!

This week my friends over at Bennetts provided me an interesting visual graphic on the Evolution of Motorcycle Fashion & Clothing.  Check it out HERE and take a tour through motorcycle clothing history.  Who knows, it might even help you distinguish between clothing features that are pure fashion and those that have some genuine protective merit.

If however, you wake up in the morning with the desire to stick on a Mohawk or those bunny ears then it’s probably best that you hand over your motorcycle keys because you are about to make a motorcycle fashion faux pas.

Photo courtesy of www.bennetts.co.uk

All Rights Reserved © Northwest Harley Blog
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H-D Clothing Bundle

H-D Clothing Bundle

There are many who think the new Harley-Davidson Iron 883 (Dark Custom) is the most beautiful bike sans clothing, with U.S. press fawning all over the “back-to-basic” motorcycle.

Enjoying my Friday morning cup of “bucks” I thought how H-D marketing should offer limited editions of the machine with new clothing bundles to increase motorcycle sales.  H-D and fashion go hand-in-hand.  There isn’t much the motor company can do to improve the no frills design of the Iron 883, but having a few extra choices when it comes to what clothing gets draped over the bike is surely a good thing, right?

Call it the “Fashion Victim” series.  Offer up a complete pre-bundled look with the motorbike.  This turn-key and new way of expressing your individuality might appeal to the younger generation which the company desperately solicits.  Motorcycle clothing can be found in the most prestigious boutiques around the world, but think of the time you’ll save when H-D does the heavy lifting traveling the world of fashion and pulls together leading brand names in motorcycle wear and pre-packages them for your exclusive fashion statement.

There is precedence for this.  A couple of years ago MV Augusta designed a limited edition motorcycle (Hydrogen) specifically for Hydrogen Jeans.  Customers could order designer jeans or the motorcycle to match right online!

So, in keeping with this Iron and new clothing bundle theme it would include:

  1. Jacket: Levi’s blanket lined, Big E. Extra cost for lining worn out at right hip due to knife rubbing.
  2. Pants: Vintage Lee work pants via Ballyhoo Vintage.
  3. Shoes: Chippewa moc toe (very Irish!). Cordovan polish then mink oil make them look well worn.
  4. Gloves: Marmot
  5. Shirt: JCrew. If you don’t like a fake cowboy shirt from JCrew then it’s Sears Western.
  6. Belt: Billykirk Mechanic’s. Very cool hidden buckle avoids tanks scratches.
  7. Knife: Leatherman Flair. The only one offering a corkscrew. Dude don’t look silly carting around tools but can’t even open a bottle…essential.
  8. Glasses: JPeterman. Captures that Aermachi Club look.
  9. Dew Rag: don’t be caught naked without a snot-rag/potholder/coaster bandana. Or wearing instructions!
  10. Reading material: Snowboard Magazine (A fave to maintain “dude” speak)

Cost?  Of course undertaking a ‘Bianchi‘ like journey from Amsterdam to Chicago isn’t cheap, but I’ll let H-D determine the expressive value of the package and price accordingly.

Maybe I’ll go decaf tomorrow?!

Photo courtesy of 10engines.

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empty_plantWithout a doubt this has started off a bleak year. 

The media tells us that “deregulation” and “unfettered free markets” has brought our nation to the brink of financial ruin.  I opened today’s newspaper and find articles telling me it’s worse than everybody says.  Oregon’s jobless rate was 9.9% at the end of January.  The highest in 25 years.   The equivalent of the combined populations of Salem and Corvallis (214,809) wandering around jobless!

I’m not trying to pile on the bad news, but folks the great American tragedy just got worse!

In restaurants and pubs all over the Northwest people are victims of deceit and reeling from the harsh effects of the “short pour.”  Let’s say after an afternoon of motorcycle riding you decide to stop for a local “refreshment” and the pint you were just handed with an inch of foam on the top is not a pint at all, but more like 20 ounces?  It turns out that the largest percentage of volume in a pint glass is in the top inch of the glass!

beergaugeIt’s difficult for me to perceive how the small height at the top of a pint glass can contain so large a volume discrepancy, but the economic crisis has taken hold of the Northwest brew pubs and as a way to increase revenue, establishments are manipulating the liquid fill height.  Is there no justice?  For now Oregon might have low taxation rates on beer and why so many small brewers go into business here, but the magnitude of the deficit is alarming!

Fortunately as economic viability collapses all around us we find HOPE.

Chris Holloway is a scientist who studied electromagnetic waves and was familiar with Piaget’s research — Piaget was a scientist in the 1800’s who studied human inability to distinguish identical volumes in different sized containers — developed a business card size visual aid called the Beer Gauge which when held next to your glass indicates how much liquid you received (or didn’t) before you pay for that pint.

Why, might you ask, did I bring this up?  Life is just too short and we need to add some humor to our economic discourse.

Full disclosure: I have no affiliation or receive compensation for endorsing the Beer Gauge.

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boss_pianoThe Piano Protection Society (PPS) is an independent organization founded in 1958 by a group of piano lovers concerned with the plight of battered pianos. Today they held a press conference in London lambasting Springsteen and the NFL for yesterdays sad Super Bowl display of an ill-treated musical instrument!  They are asking the public to boycott “The Boss” and bring greater community awareness to protect musical instruments everywhere against violence.

Every piano deserves a loving and responsible home!

The background is an otherwise magnificent Super Bowl was marred by an ugly incident during the half time show.  The Boss looked straight into the camera Sunday night and proceeded to slam chicken-finger eating people everywhere and then made terse demands to crank the volume!  Then the 59 year old performed a sort of crippled-leg-leap onto the piano — the moment was a bit dicey and had potential disaster written all over it, but proving why he is still “The Boss”, Springsteen recovered his balance and proceeded to dance, scar and gouge the lacquer finish of the piano with his steel-toe boots as thousands of fans gasped and millions watched on TV.  Kids were horrified at the inhumane display of bombastic energy on that little Yamaha!  Adding insult to injury the Yamaha had to endure gunpowder ash from the overtly expansive fireworks display.   The malicious Springsteen was seen later laughing maniacally.  After the 11:57 minute concert horrified fans could not even recall what songs Springsteen sang.

Dancing

Dance, scar and gouge,  it’s how the Boss rolls…

The Piano Protection Society is a charitable association with modern premises at 103 Norton Street, London. The facilities include an adoption centre, welfare services, information and products to keep your piano happy and healthy. Sadly, they will have to deal with this abandoned and ill-treated musical instrument.

Viewed by the piano society as self-incrimination, a technician, not authorized to speak for the E Street Band said,

“We’ve been around a long time and people are aware of the kind of “work” we do,” they went on to say,  “Springsteen’s piano shows the scars of being on the road and being played for hours at a time during lengthy shows.  That’s how “The Boss” rolls….

Let’s not even talk about the unprotected swinging guitar and strap violence!!

UPDATE: No piano was hurt in creating this blog post!  Note – there is no such thing as the PPS organization and was meant as comical satire in response to the Super Bowl half-time show.

UPDATE: November 6, 2014 – I received a 2nd email from a person claiming to be Marty Gelhaar.  They did not provide a valid email address to respond, however, they requested I remove their name from this comical satire post which I have now done.  To the real Mr. Gelhaar (technician for pianist Roy Bittan), no disrespect intended and I apologize for any confusion.

Photos courtesy YouTube.

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dear_santaWith Christmas fast approaching, I thought it was a perfect time to ask Santa to grant some of my motorcycle wishes. Here’s what I want this holiday season: 

  1. Santa, please save Harley-Davidson from the economic meltdown. I want Harley, the key American motorcycle manufacture and underdog, to overcome all of its issues and be restored to the high-flying innovative motorcycle manufacture it once was. I long for bigger blocks, tight cylinder liners, tight head gaskets, 4 valves per jug, liquid-and-air-cooled, more HP, more torque and fewer problems. A $55 stock price would be nice too.
  2. Put an end to those Japanese-Harley clones. Japanese manufactures: stop trying to copy Harley and instead come up with your own breakthrough cruiser that delivers a superb motorcycle riding experience. Even better, make sure your engines sound flawlessly “Harley-like” on the American highway system before you debut them.
  3. Help Harley’s SAMCRO motorcycle vision come true. I know there are a lot of naysayers that doubt an OMC vision of a limited edition motorcycle launch will come to fruition, but I’d like to see it happen. I think this savvy idea could challenge traditional branding business models and create much more buzz in the competitive co-branding market.
  4. Help Harley win an exclusive product placement in Ben Affleck’s film about Arizona Republic journalist Don Bolles. He was killed in 1976 while working on a story about political corruption and organized crime. Rumor is Clooney will be lead and he rides motorcycles!
  5. Help reduce the number of federally protected gray wolves shot in Wisconsin by Harley hunters during deer season.
  6. Please, please, please help Harley marketing. The “sex sells” strategy with Marisa Miller is not working. Emotions are clouding their judgment.
  7. Hold the line on Summerfest beer prices. A recession is no time to raise beer prices and we need to keep the “suds” charges low.
  8. Lastly, please provide riders prolonged exposure to the wind so that all may find extended periods of uncontrolled euphoria.

My list may not be long, but my wishes aren’t going to be easy to grant. I hope Santa has some business-savvy elves ready to buckle down and work on my list. Let’s not stop there — send your wish list or comments below.

All Rights Reserved © Northwest Harley Blog

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Okay, received some feedback to “lighten up” after my post on the financial bail-out debacle.

I thought long and hard about some lighter topics and ideas — then it came to me — now that we know David Duchovny (of X-Files fame) has checked into rehab for sex addiction it’s no longer inappropriate to discuss motorcycle sex.   

No, I’m not talking about sex-education though the use of Miss Nix burlesque, song, puppetry and/or mythical creatures.  Nor am I talking about Proposition K – San Francisco’s hot-button on prostitution decriminalization that has reached the November ballot. 

I’m talking about “Sex on a Motorcycle” — the alcoholic drink, what did you think?!  For reference it includes one ounce each of melon liqueur, Blue Curacao, pineapple juice, coconut rum and sweet and sour mix.  Shake and pour over ice.

Tease enough I have…syndicated humor columnist B. Elwin Sherman has written a clever article about Sex On A Harley-Davidson and tackles the question of safety without giving up the thrills.  Not to be a plot spoiler (so to speak), but the subtle humor and innuendo’s are comical.

 

“Take your stimulating cues from Harley’s new 6-speed transmissions.  This gives you extra level of arousal, and an opportunity to include another plateau of delight….but, don’t lose sight of your RPMs.  Operating a motorcycle as a guide…making the right moves; throttle-up, releasing, clutching, shifting, re-engaging – and all the while increasing your overall speed and distance as everything else passes by…”

Check out Sherman’s post for an interesting and humorous read.  And remember to accelerate coming out of the curves!

SATC photo courtesy HBO.

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