Sons Of Anarchy Foolish Pronouncements

Sons of Anarchy co-star Mark Boone Junior (Bobby)

It would seem that AOL CEO, Tim Armstrong, isn’t the only person making inexcusable blunders that goes far beyond foolish.

Huh?

Let me provide some context.  

You might recall how the AOL CEO whined last week  that two “distressed babies” had cost his company a million dollars each. That pronouncement was widely criticized, especially because it seemed Armstrong (who was paid over $12M last year) was trying to shift the baby care costs onto the Internet company’s employees. Armstrong cited it as a reason AOL had decided to change, but later reinstated, its 401(k) match.  One of the “distressed babies” mothers spoke out (HERE). 

And speaking about gaffes and foolishness… we now have the Sons of Anarchy co-star Mark Boone Junior, (Bobby) taking credit for and stating that the TV show “basically saved Harley” to Susan Carpenter of The Hollywood Reporter.

“Sons” co-star Mark Boone Junior (Bobby) Rides?

By any measure, “Sons” is a disturbingly violent TV show  that includes a theme of rape, torture, brutal assaults, and bath tubs full of human excrement.  It’s about a 1% motorcycle club — which creator Kurt Sutter readily admits has always traded in “blood and guts” – with “actors,” many of which don’t know how to ride a motorcycle – now proclaiming that he (Boone Junior) and his fellow cast members are the reason that Harley-Davidson recovered from the financial collapse and economic meltdown.

Only in the make believe world of Charming, California.

Let’s get real here. Saved Harley-Davidson?  That is ridiculous!  It’s more than just a bit of a stretch and goes far beyond foolish.  It’s almost as out of touch with reality as the “distressed babies” claim.

Hey Bobby, I’ve got news for you.  Get ready, because it’s an emotional gut punch. The faux outlaw motorcycle gang drama that you co-star and “ACT” in didn’t save Harley!

However, I do wonder how Harley-Davidson management reconciles profiting off violence  as they cozy up and work to be affiliated with an uber-violent TV show.  Basically a TV gang, most of whom are governed by violent criminals.  Sure it’s an imaginary world, but seems out of step.  And, Jennifer Hoyer, (Harley-Davidson Media Relations Manager) explains it well:  “Our relationship with SOA has been mostly beneficial from our side, as we have enjoyed getting many of the cast members all to be real riders — showing them the freedom that Harley-Davidson motorcycles bring to their lives.”

Real riders!  We got the point already. 

Note: To be fair, the Harley-Davidson Foundation does a significant amount of community outreach.  For example, working with the Sojourner Family Peace Center to break the cycle of family violence in Milwaukee, Disabled Vets, Big Brothers Big Sisters, MDA and YMCA to name just a few.

In the spirit of the SOA outlaw I copied the photos from FX Networks without permission.

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SAMCRO Season 3

Book of Eli

If the first installment of “Son’s of Anarchy” (SOA), Kurt Sutter’s unique take on a motorcycle gangs modern life, served as a refreshing kick during a woeful aftermath of the financial crisis, then the 2nd installment served as a protest on assault weapon prices and the growing divide between the haves and the have-nots.

Even when viewed as mindless diversion, it’s difficult to imagine how the 3rd installment will provide bolder and grittier action for the discordant “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” crowd.

Television sequels find it difficult to live up to the glory of the previous season, especially when the original was a hit.  And according to Kurt Sutter, season 3 will deal with SOA roots and “a world that is outside their own.”  Speaking of another world, I came up with some ideas for Sutter’s “anarchists.” In a word Kurt – APOCALYPSE!

Is there anything better than an apocalypse? No food, marauding motorcycle gangs out to kill you, survival skills, a horrible lack of soap – none of its good.  Season 3 could be all about how SAMCRO survives in an apocalyptic world?  The below film examples might provide Mr. Sutter story ideas for SOA season 3:

• Introduce a dangerous loner – (The Book of Eli, 2010) – SOA could introduce a “Hatchet” Harry character like Denzel Washington who plays Eli, a dangerous loner who protects the only book that could save humankind or the SOA club. For some reason, there are a lot of people out to stop him, so Eli has to depend some handy kung-fu skills with a mini-sword to survive.  SOA would need martial-arts training to combat the loner and stay alive in a post-apocalyptic world.
• Don’t trust the military (28 Days Later, 2003) – In a country overrun by zombies, it’s completely understandable that SOA would run to “church” – the first safe haven within hundreds of miles. But when that fortress is overrun by dozens of all- male military officers who haven’t seen women in weeks, their intentions toward female companions of the club are probably less than noble.
• Conserve water (Tank Girl, 1995) – The year 2033 is basically a paradise for quirky middle-schoolers; But, drinking water is, well, harder to track down than Tiger Woods. So, don’t be surprised if the world’s most powerful corporation tries to kill everyone the club knows so they can control the water wells.
• Kidnap an orphan (Waterworld, 1995) – This post-apocalyptic future is literally a water world, so change the location of the club and the survival basics are self-evident. Some kind of flotation device will be needed. Motorcycles are exchanged for Jet-skis. And if you can manage to collect enough old milk jugs, tie them together and form the floating Sons of Anarchic city state on the open water.  Of course they would rely on filtered pee for drinking water in the endless search for an orphan with a map to the Promised Land tattooed on her back.
• Have a good, old-fashioned book-burning at the library (The Day After Tomorrow, 2004) – Sure, the effects of global warming occur over many years. But on FX what if global warming was impatient and decided to screw over SOA in just one week? Well, for one, Charming, California would get wicked cold – so cold that arctic wolves would roam the streets for food. Fortunately, the solution can be found at the local club house: members barricade inside.  Eat chips from the vending machine and start burning every book in sight. Who needs knowledge when the temperature is plummeting?
• Invent time travel (12 Monkeys, 1995) – Wouldn’t it be swell if SOA could go back in time and do things differently for the good of the club? You know, so that Charming wouldn’t have been plagued by the white supremacy “virus” that forced the SAMCRO survivors to form a new society, deep under the Earth’s crust? Good thing someone invented time travel! That way, SOA can send club members back in time to try and collect information about the “virus” so that the future-people can make a cure. Time machines don’t do much about, say, the fact that the club is pretty well damned to live in the dark with a bunch of creepy scientists for company, but whatever.
• Run! Run for your life! (Children of Men, 2006)- When every woman in Charming stops getting pregnant, civilization is bound to get a little nutty. So, imagine how SOA would react if they were in charge of protecting the sole pregnant woman on the entire planet. A friendly baby shower is out of the question and it’s best to lace up your boots and do plenty of cardio, because SAMCRO has a lot of terrorists and religious zealots to outrun.
• Outwit, outplay, outlast (Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, 1981) – You might think this IS the slogan for SOA. But when SAMCRO is trapped in the only remaining oil refinery and surrounded by a murderous gang of cagers that want your gasoline, the motto “outwit, outplay, outlast” may be what saves the club. First, try a decoy: While the bad dudes think the gas is in one place, take the real stuff somewhere else. Then get a loner with impressive kung-fu and driving skills to take out every last one of the psychopaths, while the club rides off into the unknown. You may not know where you’re going, but at least you’re going somewhere in the wind!
• Be a good dad (The Road, 2009) – The apocalypse is no excuse to abandon parenting skills. In fact, this is the perfect opportunity to teach the outlaw children about peer pressure: Just because every other human on Earth has turned to murder and cannibalism to survive is no reason to adopt those habits for the club children, right? The SAMCRO offspring will not only learn valuable survival skills, but their self-esteem will be through the roof.

There you have it.  A few potential plot ideas for season 3.  I left off the possible extended two-hour episode of club hostages incorporating the Stockholm Syndrome into the tyrannical ways of the club.

Thank me later Kurt.

Photo courtesy of Comic Con and Tommy Lee Edwards.

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