Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘April Fool’s’

2nd Guessing Music Selection

2nd Guessing Music Selection

After years of Project RUSHMORE research including thousands of hours of development with skilled mechanics and engineers driving from location to location, Harley-Davidson today acknowledged that the BOOM!™audio infotainment software has been affected by a virus.

The virus manifests itself as “ghosting” problems.  Riders state that the infotainment system is second guessing their music selection, even after making the music choice.  Some riders have reported that the infotainment will randomly reset and the LCD displays a Laffing “Devil’s Fork” logo in place of the H-D corporate logo.

devils-forkThe National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) has yet to order up a recall because the motor company has not fully been successful in detailing all the issues and there was no consistent pattern of crashes tied to the virus effect.

This raises red flags at the company and in cooperation with Russian and Ukrainian scientists, Harley-Davidson Audio engineers have recently re-located to the basement of the Design Lab to review prototype parts, drawings, pre-production models and other original materials to gain more insight into the virus.

Once available, H-D Riders can go to the software download center and grab the file on a USB memory stick. Then insert it in your Boom!™ Box Infotainment System’s USB port and follow the onscreen instructions to update your system.  The new application will be called Harley-Davidson Nose, and as the name implies it knows everything about you, the motorcycle and the infotainment system.

In addition, as a customer bonus for the trouble of sitting in your garage and working on motorcycle software updates, the motor company will provide the H-D Levity App (HDLA) which spices up “even the most boring of work days” by letting you send happier emails, hold more engaging meetings, and write more mind-blowing presentations.

Happy April Fool’s day!

Photos courtesy of Harley-Davidson

All Rights Reserved © Northwest Harley Blog
Advertisements

Read Full Post »

i-quitI guess you could say it all started when Taylor Swift wrote that song.

Was “Mean” really about me?  I’m just an aging blogger, why did the biggest pop star in America have to pick on ME?  That hurts. You don’t know what it was like growing up.  Everybody knows I’m thin-skinned. I’ve got health issues and doesn’t she know that if I don’t consistently see my psychiatrist I’ll need MKULTRA re-programming.

Yes, I know, bragging that I see a psychiatrist, is a sign of a SIESPD mental disorder: Self-Inflation at the Expense of Sacred Psychiatry Disorder.

But what’s worse are the blog readers. It doesn’t matter what I write.  They only want to read and comment about the reality TV drama The Devils Ride.  Sure I’m “unqualified” to write a motorcycle blog, but I think it was precisely that total lack of journalism training that gave me an edge.  But, it’s doesn’t matter what wisdom flows through my fingers as I throw down editorial so magical—so right—that my fellow bloggers are moved by my artistry.  In a country where everybody’s seems to be on the take, where screenwriters whose job is to feed the character dialogue on “reality” TV, where politicians are indicted on a regular basis, it doesn’t pay to be honest.

So, I’m stopping. Giving up. I quit.  Going over to the dark side.

No, I’m not going to work for Harley-Davidson, I’m not even going to work for Honda, there’s just not enough money involved.  You can’t make it in motorcycles, you’ve got to go where the money is, Technology.

Technology is run by young people challenging all the rules.

Oh, it’s been done before.  You wake up and chuck aside journalistic aspirations and went where the real power was, Technology.

And why not. Everybody thinks I’m wealthy anyway. I make a comment about the Portland occupiers and my inbox blows up with people castigating me for being a one percenter. You’d have thought I was giving away Nike stock. I’m sick of being poor, now I truly am going to be rich.  No, I turned down the Pritikin offer to co-write The Devils Ride scripts.  We might look similar in a black vest, but do you think I still want to be in the public eye after what I’ve been through on this blog?

No, I’m not going to tell you the name of the company.  You wouldn’t know Summly anyway.  They made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.  And I’ve brought in my black book. I’m tapping every relationship I have for cash. Everybody.  If you’re wealthy, expect to hear from me.  As for the rest of you…it’s payback time.

I’ve sold my email subscription list to so many marketers I can afford a year off in Honolulu. You’re gonna be spammed to high heaven. I’m always accused of selling my list anyway, so why not do it?

I’m all about the cash now baby. I gave you that motorcycle information for free and all you did was bust my chops.  You were so busy drinking at the trough of motorcycle Reality TV that you can’t see that you’ve been sold a bill of goods.

So, I’m leaving you behind.  Going to work for Nick.

At fifteen without a driver’s license, he had a computer, an iPad and an iPhone.  Of course there were good parents that insisted he do well in school and he had a worldly view to know there are winners and losers.  He didn’t want the short end of the stick and didn’t waste time learning the guitar or riding a dirt bike?  No, he developed an app and now at 17 years old he has millions.  A teenager who sits at home and changes the world.

Motorcycling is done anyway.

The Discovery channel ruined it. They “prostituted the patch” in the name of advertising and shilling faux t-shirts.  There’s no money left.  If you’re smart, you’ll follow me.  I’m done with you, I’m going behind the tech celeb gate and throwing away the key, only flying private from now on.

Look, I get it. You can’t have people like me writing whatever they want. If I run too loose I’ll ruin all of powersports…who knows what’s next.  Blogs like NWHOG need to be shut up.  I mean who does this MacRant think he is?  There’s nobody he hasn’t written negative stuff about. He’s just a crybaby loser who is desperate to be close to fame. He’s been doing it for too many years already.

Good riddance.

I hear you. I’m done.

Photo courtesy of Superior Law Office.  Gullible motorcycle blog-lovers gather round, April Fool’s Day is upon us!

All Rights Reserved © Northwest Harley Blog

Read Full Post »

Keith Wandell Resignation Letter

The news was expected.

Harley-Davidson CEO Keith Wandell, citing the pressure of obtaining a motorcycle endorsement and regularly commuting with “cagers”, today announced he is retiring at the relative young age of 60.

It’s through my privileged relations with some of the major actors of the motorcycle industry that allow this blog to offer you an exclusive first look of the resignation letter below:

Date: April 1, 2010
To: Harley-Davidson Employees
From: Office of the President and CEO, Mr. Keith Wandell
Subject: A Letter To My Colleagues

This morning I am announcing my intention to retire by the time of our next board meeting.

It has become clear that in light of the continuing leadership doubt, and the unprecedented level of negative attention about my compensation package, the company – and each of you – has had to endure, that the best thing I can do for you, our dealer network and our shareholders is to retire.

Some of you have done an extraordinary job serving our customers despite the almost daily media distraction.  I feel strongly that the attacks about my riding experience and eight month compensation package of $6.4 million are unjustified, but unfortunately, they show no signs of abating. A simple reality check tells me that people are spending more time reading about the acrimony and not enough time buying our motorcycles from the newly reduced product line up.

What matters is not what happens to me, but it’s really about the remaining employees of Harley-Davidson, our employed customers and our shareholders. The whole is greater than the sum of any 2 parts and clearly more important than me “feeling good about where we are” as a company.   Even in the midst of the first quarterly loss in 16 years, the HDFS liquidity freeze, the India expansion, the Buell distractions, the union worker delinquencies in PA., and the MV Augusta sell-off strategy… my main regret in this short, but well paid, tenure, is that I will not be here to realize the potential of this bold strategy to return the company to a “new” normal.

I will retire when my successor is appointed. The Board has begun a high profile and expensive search for a new CEO, led by the head of the Board’s Compensation, Management Development and Succession Committee. I, of course, will do everything I can to assist in this transition. I will make sure that the company firmly “stays the course” until my successor is chosen.

Let me say that it will not be easy for me to leave. I take enormous pride in obtaining my motorcycle endorsement and I’ve met a bunch of new lunch-time riding buddies.  It’s been said that the true test of a leader is the performance of the company he leaves behind. On that score, I feel my short, but well paid legacy and public record are available for all to read.  The Board has asked me to assure you of their full support as we go through the transition and into the future.

To some of you, I offer my heartfelt thanks for the extraordinary opportunity to work with and lead you during this short tenure that I’ve been in Milwaukee. Of course I will continue to see some of you in the H-D Brewers suite and have enormous faith that the best of Harley-Davidson will be lived in the days ahead.

Sincerely,
Keith “Scooter” Wandell
President and CEO, Harley-Davidson

Happy April Fool’s! Enjoy the day even with all the faux news.

Photo is courtesy of H-D.

All Rights Reserved © Northwest Harley Blog

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: